i read the phrase “heist movie set in the first century CE” on twitter and, like, please:
they’re plotting to steal a million sesterces from the imperial treasury. Vespasian is emperor. there’s at least one wrist sundial. anachronistic and silly gadgets abound. everyone goes by Marcus. there’s a high-speed chariot chase scene.
this is going around again so people are tagging it with references to various Astérix-related media & i realize that’s my fault for not saying exactly how i want it to be shot. I want it to be shot exactly like a modern heist movie - quick cuts, lens flares, the edges of things weirdly sharply defined, etc. there’s a scene where everyone gets fancy new clothes and obviously it’s expensive togas, which don’t look that different to modern eyes, but the movie treats it exactly like you would the scene where people get sharp new suits. none of the incongruities are ever addressed.
I have recently become obsessed with a British writer of 80s technothrillers named David Mace. His work is sharp, painful, politically forward-looking (Nightrider features a multicultural egalitarian polycule of a starship crew) and venomously opposed to the political systems behind the sleekly amoral techno-military complexes which drive the plot (Nightrider never lets us forget that living in a multicultural egalitarian polycule doesn’t absolve you of the violence you’re doing). He vanished from the publishing world in the 90s, and he must be past seventy by now. I would love the chance to speak with him or to at least send him a fan letter. Unfortunately, his website is offline.
I am not active on social media, so I would appreciate it if people would help pass this call onward. If anyone, anywhere has a way for me to contact David Mace, I would be terribly grateful.
Farscape probably more closely tracks with your average tabletop RPG more than almost any other television media, insofar as everyone thinks they’ve made some pretty strong characters, and a couple people made some dorky joke characters, and absolute no one has managed to succeed for shit at almost any “cool rolls” and none of the characters are remotely useful in the main story.
Meanwhile, the DM had this epic storyline planned but everyone rolled so badly, and played into their fuck-ups so strongly, that the campaign went fully off the rails an hour into session one and she’s just winging it for a few hours and has to go back and invent a whole universe, which is why everything that happens is out of nowhere. That’s the DM looking around her room and making shit up based on whatever she noticed.
DM: *pinches bridge of nose with eyes closed* You’ve somehow made the ship pregnant. Congrats.
D'argo: Okay you said the whole surface of the moon is oil.
DM: Yes…
D'argo: Is it flammable?
DM: [rolls, puts head in hands] Sigh. Yes, it is.
D'argo: Okay, here’s the plan.
Did it go off the rails before or after the wormhole?
It goes off the rails immediately after Crichton exits, when he crit fails his pilot roll and collides with a Prowler, accidentally destroying it and killing the pilot, then D'argo has a crit success yanking wires and frees Moya, so instead of the characters starting as Peacekeeper prisoners they starburst into a random part of the universe with a rage fueled Peacekeeper commander in pursuit.
Rigel: I’m going to go shit in an alley.
DM: [sick of Rigel] Fine. Roll a constitution check.
Rigel: [crit fails]
DM: Your shit? Explodes now.
(LATER)
Crichton: So all of Rigel’s bodily fluids explode on this planet right?
DM: Yeah…
Crichton: Okay, first, Rigel you need to come back down- wait, drink some water. A lot of water.
Whoever rolled Chiana just watched Blade Runner and straight up decided to make Priss.
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